Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
farters have to be the big spoon...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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