He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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