making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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