I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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