also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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