I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize