She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
