My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
