Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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