just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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