I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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