he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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