my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
my nose is crying tears of wow.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
