I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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