Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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