My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
