Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Come on in and take your pants off
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
