My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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