I'm eating all of the evidence.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
