Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
