Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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