Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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