the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
