he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
