after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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