Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
