Can i not drive my cunt home
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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