I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize