I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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