Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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