someone get that fucking seahorse.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
