i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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