I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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