My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
