so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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