I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
