I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
