You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
