Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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