instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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