Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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