Soap is not a condiment
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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