I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
