Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
