and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
