You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
