singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
