I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
