I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
