MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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