1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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