What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
