I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize