I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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