I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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