Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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