Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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