i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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