I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
