I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you had me at cake vodka
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
