i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
