We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
